Blog Banter: Quitter!

Welcome, welcome to the 5th installment of Blog Banter, the monthly blogging extravaganza headed by bs angel! Blog Banter involves our cozy community of enthusiastic gaming bloggers, a common topic, and a week to post articles pertaining to said topic. The results are quite entertaining and can range from deep insight to ROFLMAO. Any questions about Blog Banter should be directed here. Check out other Blog Banter articles at the bottom of this post!

I don’t quit many games, to be honest. I don’t normally buy games unless I’m sure I’l like them, and even if they’re flawed, I generally plug away until they’re done (see all the Jedi Knight games, Rebellion, Indiana Jones and the Emperor’s Tomb, Thief 2, etc.). However, just today I quit playing a game, and I don’t plan on picking it up again any time soon. Thus, the memory of its faults is fresh in my memory.

The game is Grand Theft Auto IV, and I’m not sure why I thought I’d like it that much in the first place. The 3rd game (I only played the first two a bit, and sucked at them) was impressive, scope-wise. Driving around and finding jumps and hidden packages was pretty awesome, as was chasing/being chased by the cops. Then of course, there was the fact that Rockstar had purposefully gone out of its way to make an offensive, stunningly stupid game. I mean, if there’s a game that makes your I.Q. drop faster than Halo 3 Deathmatch with the beer bong crowd, it’s the most recent form of GTA.

It’s sad, because Rockstar, when they aren’t being gigantic assholes, racists, homophobes, or misogynists (or really any other kind of horrible “ist”/”phobe” person), are obviously a talented team. This new Liberty City is pretty fancy to look at, and it’s incredibly immersive. The effects, the people wandering around, the city, it all delivers at a very high level.

Thank goodness Rockstar stuck to their guns when it came to story and game features, huh? It’s so pathetic that there are so many perfect or near-perfect scores out there. It’s equally pathetic that so many reviews are lauding this game for its “humor,” “writing,” and “plot.” For instance, this is from IGN: “Don’t worry, GTA’s famed over-the-top action and tongue-in-cheek humor are intact.” What?! I can’t really stress how wrong they are. If you like offensive, 2nd grade humor, terribly hackneyed plot twists and characters, and a “big budget” story that plays out like an amalgam of “Goodfellas” and “Eastern Promises” as written and directed by Michael Bay and Eli Wroth this is your game.

What I mean to say is, this game world is brilliantly created, and then they have to go and add in alarming little-boy-fantasy strip clubs. They have to make it so the only people who you can pay for sex are women. They have to make it so every single character is absolutely terrified of being called gay. I guess people think this is “authentic?” Um, so are male strip clubs, gay and lesbian bars, and any number of other non status quo-acceptable meeting places or social venues, that will never appear in a Rockstar game except as the butt of a joke about hilarious gay people. Also, every character is a horrible racist or sexist stereotype. Every one. Which doesn’t make it ok (as some contend), it makes it stunningly thorough in its cruel depictions of whatever group or person.

Honestly, I should save this all for a review, but I have this Blog Banter post, so this is it. This game stopped me from playing its better parts, because the only way to enjoy it would be avoid the story entirely. I could do this, and it would involve some effort, but even avoiding the story leaves me with Niko’s cousin, Roman, and his constant narrative on the merits of “titties,” college girls who just want to have sex, and other exciting yet forbidden things having to do with the ever elusive Woman. Children shouldn’t make games! This game makes me realize how much the game industry is being held in thrall by 14 year old (maturity-wise and age-wise) and otherwise emotionally stunted males. I know they aren’t the only ones buying and making games, but people think they are, and it’s ruining one of my favorite pastimes, for me and all people out there with brains, taste, and a sense of how damaging this material is.

Until someone else makes an incredibly intuitive open sandbox modern city simulation, that respects all of its viewers, Rockstar can forget about me buying their shitty games. I haven’t felt this stupid, offended, unclean or pissed off in a while. Thanks, Rockstar, here’s one more game I’ve quit before finishing. Happy?

Check out these other Blog Banter articles! Silvercublogger, Unfettered Blather, Triage Effect, Gamer Unit, Delayed Responsibility, Man Bytes Blog, CrazyKinux’s Musing, Zath!, Draining Souls.net, Game Couch, 8-Bit Brigade, thoughts and rants, Hawty McBloggy