As I write from the deepest and most hideous recesses of the West Coast, things look pretty grim. In a bleak land where gaming is nearly impossible, I send out a message full of sadness. First of all, Mass Effect for the PC looks like the game that the first one should have been: very short elevator rides, actual tactical combat, an interface designed for earthlings, and no ludicrous pop-ins. Too bad I’d need to sell a kidney to get a PC that could run it well. Stupid Bioware.
Also, Owen has finally convinced me that a Wii is necessary: he’s a dangerous and convincing kind of devil, so I hope I’m ready to weather a year or more of his influence. Unfortunately, to buy a Wii you must either be Satan (so why doesn’t he buy me one?), or you must buy 5 fucking pack-in games. Some are worth it: Mario Galaxy, the new Smash Bros, and Mario Party 25. Others make me want to puke: Crash of the Titans (and Bandicoot), Wii Play, and some golf shit? Ick. You can’t actually buy a fucking system for 250 dollars, because that would be normal. No wonder Nintendo is making so much money. If I bought a Wii right now, I’d probably pay more than I did for the PS3. What the fuck. They’re a troop of thieves, really, and their villainy has spread far and wide. I can’t even buy the Galaxy bundle from EBX until the 6th… Even then, how long would it be till I actually received a copy? I understand that anyone who wants one is in this situation. I just assumed (dunno why) that Nintendo actually wanted me to buy their shit. Hell, I thought they’d want me to play their fantastic games: Mario Kart, Smash, Zelda, Metroid, Bloom Blox, I want them all. It’s quite apparent that this is not the case. They want me to buy those games, but only after they’ve used bundles to shovel liquid gaming crap down my throat. One offer they thought they could tantalize me with was the box art for the 99 Nights game. I can’t stress this enough Nintendo: for the guys with the cheapest system, the most “accessible” system, you make me want to not buy your stuff. You make me want to go back to playing Mass Effect, or COD4, Dragon Quest VIII, or any other game on another system that is designed to be purchased by sane people under the age of 45. From my cave of childish Internet rage, I strike at thee.
On a lighter note, Trauma Center DS (for which I must thank The Accountant) is fun. Tricky, but fun. Oh, and running into people on the street who you lived with in another country and haven’t seen for a year? Crazy.