Delayed Responsibility

I Shouldn't Be Gaming Right Now… But I Am!

I’d Give Real Money if He’d Shut Up

Posted by deckard47 on June 30, 2009

Good for you if you know who says that. I don’t normally do this, but I’d like to write a post (a small one) using an amusing idea cribbed from John Walker’s RPS post (of course, I “normally” say mean things about other people and their work and then hide behind the Internet, so it’s not like this is a step down). In the style of “I would play”:

I’d pay $150 dollars for Irrational Games to become Irrational Games again, and make all of those Freedom Force sequels they’ll never make (this is a good time to link to an interview at IGN [IGN, I know, sorry!] with a lot of the people behind Freedom Force and its sequel).

I’d pay pay $100 for all PC games released in 200-fucking-9 to have full widescreen support. Come on, PC game companies, let me hold your hand as we walk into this frightening new world.

I’d pay $60 for the worlds inhabited by Solid Snake, Master Chief, and Marcus Fenix to be sucked into a black hole. They aren’t compelling worlds! No, they are not!

I’d pay $10-15 dollars to play a game where Indiana Jones, Lara Croft, and Nathan Drake hang out and realize that they’re all splitters now, and should just admit that they recycle each others’ ideas with impunity. Then they accidentally unleash an ancient (fill in old-timey, possibly “exotic” culture) curse, and have to romance attractive people to save the day, possibly while engaging in witty, sexy banter.

I’d pay $50 dollars for somebody to release¬† a co-op game that isn’t dumb and offensive, so my brother will play it. Come on, it can’t be that hard, just make HoMM VI if you can’t think of anything.

Come to think of it, I’d pay quite a lot for HoMM VI. Get on it.

I’d pay $700 if people would stop pretending games, movie, and books can really be compared so broadly and unthinkingly.

I’d pay $70 if someone would admit that the Wheel of Time game was actually quite good, and get the team that made it together to make another game.

I’d pay all of the money I will ever make, for ever, to play games with interesting, inoffensively chracterized and sexualized people, who have a complete understanding of human speach and emotion, and never force me to choose between 10 stupid doctors and my stupid “love interest.”

I’d take that last sum of money and quadruple it, if someone would make a game out of the Alanna books.It would make a dream (that I never knew I had) come true. Of course, I’ve no idea how you’d do it well. No clue. To make things better, here’s the original cover (not those shitty new ones) from the copy I bought when I was like 7 or something. Yeah, I just went there.

Awesome!

Awesome!

I guess I’m done now. That went off course a bit. Sorry. Not really.

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