Delayed Responsibility

I Shouldn't Be Gaming Right Now… But I Am!

Elves + Chris Redfield = ?

Posted by deckard47 on March 23, 2009

So Owen and I will be pushing through Chapter 1-2 tonight. I know, sooooo sloooow, but it took me a while to figure out that I couldn’t give him the amazing guns I’d saved up for him. Really Capcom? I have to use all of my fabulous, bejeweled finery and there he is with a 13-shot pistol? How does that make sense? Anyway, we did manage to take care of the executioner (that’s what stockpiling rockets from 3-1 gets you!), and take his ring. I wonder what kind of ring it was? I think it was a promise ring. He looked like that kind of guy. On a different note, playing splitscreen (even on my HUGE 20″ screen) makes everything a bit more dicey. I just want to say that I was watching out for Owen, keeping them off his back, and that he acquitted himself well. I can’t wait to ask him to repeatedly “Give me an egg!” Eggs, Chris’ only weakness! Hilariously, despite my hatred for The Morlock, I was forced to play as him, equine musculature and all. I discovered that Sheva shoots left-handed (I think), and more importantly, the camera hugs her left shoulder, whereas it hugs Chris’ right shoulder. Playing as her for an hour, I realized that I was actually tilting my head to “make up for” the difference. The ensuing sore neck (coupled with my complete lack of adaptability, it would seem) ensured the continuation of the twisted affair between me and The Morlock. Curses.

Seriously though, I’ll be getting into some Elven Legacy tonight, as well. I’m excited, to be honest. I enjoy elves in all of their formats, and their legacies, mostly. Of course (to get a bit geeky, and depending on your fantasy setting) if you think about the title to this post, the Elves would beat Chris. Just one Elf (despite her reedy frame and willowy appendages as described by the bad fantasy author) would be able to break him like a toy. That would make a great game. Mini-game Capcom, mini-game! Unless these were the elves of The Witcher. They would probably make fun of Chris’ Mom, murder his childhood friends, steal the food that his hometown badly needed, and then topple his government and subjugate his people to hard labor. Elves vs. Morlocks. I’d watch it. Wow I hope no one who respects me reads those last couple of sentences. Anyway, I’m sure that my elves will crush all who oppose them. I don’t even know where this is going, I just like the name for this game a lot. So, I see hexes, dwarfs, and shotguns in my future. Fantastic.


8 Responses to “Elves + Chris Redfield = ?”

  1. Simon Ferrari said

    Resident Evil 5 natural selection is selecting against you, apparently.

  2. deckard47 said

    Yeah, I really hope that none of the characters in Mercenaries are Lefties…. My brain already hurts enough.

  3. Simon Ferrari said

    Which Mercenaries game are you playing?

    Also, “elves” is a shitty word. I keep looking at it and thinking, “That’s not how you spell Elvis.”

  4. deckard47 said

    Mercenaries in RE 5. It’s like a shooting gallery combined with a time limit. A very big Dead Space lockdown stage, kinda. Why isn’t it Elfs then? It’s still cool to say “Dwars,” I think. Maybe.

  5. Sam said

    For all you Vader-haters out there (why? don’t know) the reason “elfs” and “dwarfs” are spelled “elves” and “dwarves” most of the time is that that’s the made-up spelling Tolkien decided on for LOTR/The Hobbit, and as you know, most of what we know about those great races comes from him.

    I’m ashamed of my lack of progress last night on RE5. Tonight. And how is elf wars or whatever? It looked like shite from the gametrailers preview.

  6. deckard47 said

    Well screw him then. It makes life difficult for people like us who swallow our words.

    Elf Legacy only finished downloading as a went to sleep. Soon, I hope.

  7. Is it Diamond in the Rough day?

  8. deckard47 said

    No! I don’t know why not. Soon. I think.

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