Posted by deckard47 on March 22, 2009
Yeah, so here come them spoilers, I guess:
So I’m done with that silliness, and not a moment too soon. I guess some people think that having a dude with oozing worms popping out him is awesome. I guess some people think that fighting said dude (while he spews dialogue that rots your ace off) in the caldera of an active volcano is also cool. Again, some other people might want to listen to Mr. Morlock and Sheva ask why Wesker betrayed his PARTNER, and then talk about why PARTNERS are spiffy for ten minutes. Those same people might also think that being forced to play in a way that does not cater to the combat system’s strengths (skulking around ’till those assholes with chain-guns take 5 for a smoke, say) is really rad. I am not any of these people. I liked the game when Sheva and I were on the run or backed into a corner, facing superior forces and item management issues. I liked using every bullet I had wisely, and using melee attacks to save every other bullet or shell. By the end of the game, I was looking for spots to lay mines (an interesting weapon addition, I think) and blow up barrels, but it wasn’t with the same sense of joy. It was just: oh great, here come 50 more guys with huge guns. They should just make a 3rd person shooter where your enemies all have extreme lethargy. Because I’m fine with enemies who shoot bows, and enemies who shoot guns, but it stops being a zombie game, fast. It starts being a game with moronic enemies who jump and shoot, a lot (and have 1,000 damn rocket launchers!).
I understand that they’re moving in a certain direction, but it’s a zombie-less direction. You know what, I know “they aren’t zombies anymore,” but as Shaun once proved to us, just because you don’t say the Zed word doesn’t mean they aren’t walking, hungry dead. The game lost me, and while I am quite sure it’ll find me again, with Owen and my spiffy new 3-shot pistol in tow, it’s annoying to know that it’ll end up being a stupid, artistically offensive (not to mention those other ways that it’s offensive) jaunt through “military facilities” that Michael Bay would find lacking in character and depth. The game doesn’t do much that’s too awful (offensiveness-wise) after the military facility stuff gets in gear. They’re really too busy throwing bad acting and bad set-pieces at you to show how evil and scary Africans are. What they do take time to do is show you how awesome Jill is for wearing high heels and having huge breasts, just like Excella. Thus equipped, she can take time out in boss battles to pose seductively on banisters (no I’m not kidding). I mean, who’s surprised, I know, no one’s surprised, but it’s just one more slap in the face, I suppose, from a game that wants me to hate it and its fiction from the very depths of my soul. Bravo game.
Of course, I have a brilliant solution to this problem. Fire up 360 Left 4 Dead and play a great, not-dumb game. Play a game that piques my interest, not my rage. There’s no doubt that I’ll look forward to the next true RE game with some kind of masochistic interest , but now I’m just thinking two things: where else could they set it and be super-offensive and not care (my money’s on India or Mexico, Mexico seems like it would be more in their line of class/zombie relations), and how much of a silly action spectacle is it going to turn into, without my beloved slow shooting and careful item management. Seriously, by the end I was just picking shit up and using it. It didn’t matter what it was, I just needed a projectile with which to mess guys up. Alright, it’s time to go see how “No Mercy” treats me when I’m brandishing a controller. Wish me luck!
Wesker is made of butter, and Chris is made of Ice Cream. Sheva is a Terminator. But she’s still a good Partner!